Part of being human is experiencing brokenness. We live in a fallen world, as we experience the impact of original sin personally and in nature. Jesus came to heal and restore the world to the peace and perfection that existed before sin. During His ministry, He healed people physically, mentally and spiritually.
Matthew 9:35, says that, “Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and affliction." Indeed, miracles still happen today– people experience instantaneous healing from physical ailments, mental illnesses and spiritual wounds by the power of Jesus. So, why is it that sometimes, despite the fact that we pray for it, healing simply doesn’t come?
Sometimes we are tempted to see healing only as a single event. But the reality is that healing is often a journey. Sometimes, the destination is met here on earth, but for many of us, healing of a specific physical, mental and spiritual ailment will only come to fulfillment in heaven.
Pain is a very real and very difficult thing to deal with, and it doesn’t always help when we are reminded that one day in heaven, it will not exist. It is okay to be angry or frustrated when healing does not come.
We are not alone in this experience. Many great saints asked for healing, and did not receive it in the way that they desired. St. Paul writes of his experience, stating that “I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.” What reply was he given to this request for healing? Christ says to him: ”My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” St. Teresa of Avila suffered from severe headaches that never went away, despite her closeness with God.
In my own experience of suffering from an eating disorder, I often prayed for healing, hoping for a magic instant when my struggles would simply disappear. Yet, it didn’t happen that way.
In the spiritual exercises, St. Ignatius tells us that there are three reasons that God allows us to experience affliction. The first we find in the answer that Jesus gave to St. Paul. We are given opportunities to grow in humility by experiencing our own weakness, so that we can better know His strength. C.S. Lewis writes that “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” (C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain).
When we try to do things on our own, we often get discouraged and burnt out. When we lean into God’s strength, He gives us moments of reprise, covering us with grace, so that we can experience His love carrying us in our difficult circumstances. I remember one very intense moment of my eating disorder, where I was quite literally crying on the bathroom floor. I had a very vivid experience of Jesus being beside me, with me in that bathroom, crying for me. My disorder wasn’t healed at that moment, but it was a moment of grace that helped me continue on.
The second reason is that God desires us to experience deeper conversion. I have found this truth to be true in my own journey. Our wounds are complicated, with many layers. God knows our capacity at any given time, and so He may choose to heal us, one layer at a time. Each step of healing helps us experience a new depth of his goodness and kindness.
Our wounds are often grounded in a hurt or lie that we have carried for a long time. In the process of healing, it can be helpful to try and identify the roots of our struggles, praying for clarity. A few things that may help us dig under the surface are going to confession, talking with a therapist or attending a retreat focused on healing. Often, it is a simple insight given to us by another that can help us open ourselves up to God’s healing in a new way.
Finally, God may permit an affliction in order to help us learn. Sometimes a struggle is what will open the door to our growth in virtue. For Christians, suffering is always an invitation to learn how to conform our lives to Christ, who suffered freely and patiently for our sake. Even though it is painful, physical and mental struggles help us to understand that this world is not our home. Yes, our physical and mental health matter, but ultimately, it is our soul that God cares most deeply for.
There is victory and freedom in embracing our not-yet-healed wounds as part of God’s plan for our salvation. As we seek to become more like Christ, we learn to let go of coping mechanisms that distract us from pain, and instead, offer up our sufferings for others. Sometimes we think that prayer is only words.
But when we are in pain, we can give that pain to God, with a specific intention. For example, when I was in labour with my second child, I chose to offer up my physical pain as a prayer for my family. This is a way that we can join with Christ, knowing that He gives suffering a purpose. Meditating on the sorrowful mysteries of the rosary, journaling about our experiences and being willing to share about our pain with others who are also struggling can all help us see beyond our own pain.
Even though we can’t see it fully, our healing (or lack of healing) is part of God’s greater plan. We can hold on in hope, knowing that in heaven, with Jesus, we will experience total healing and peace.